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[ July 16th, 2006 | 12:49am ] |
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i'm sad because i love him.
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[ July 11th, 2006 | 12:35am ] |
i like my new therapist...
she's not condescending.
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[ July 4th, 2006 | 12:16am ] |
200 poptart
+200 corndog
+160 ice cream sandwich
+160 ice cream sandwich
+110 soda
+720 pizza
= 1550 cal - 400 walking
= 1150 cal
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|
[ July 2nd, 2006 | 12:30am ] |
what would House say?
"don't be an idiot. take the damn pills." *limps out*
i don't want to go to my current psychiatrist. i just don't trust someone who doesn't know how to talk to a patient properly.
for one- they always tell my mother to go back w/ me... which is fine i guess, she's use to dealing w/ children and obviously must talk w/ parents in order to make any medical decisions... but hello- i'm a teenager, and she has never ONCE asked if i want to speak w/ her privately. she asks the routine questions that she has to ask, but she asks them in front of my parents... AND skews the question so that i will answer the way she wants me to. "you haven't been doing any more cutting right?" "any suicidal ideations?" well- if i did i woulden't say yes... that's for damn sure.
she's gay. how can she properly assess my current status if i have no confidentiality.
see i WAS thinking that i would stop the pills when i turn 18... but then i realize... if my mom goes w/ me i won't be able to tell the psychiatrist i don't want to take them because my mom DOES want me to take them.
i would like to go to another psychiatrist for a second opinion of whether i am even depressed or not. i don't think i am... but i have never been to medical school so what do i know, right?
i wouldn't mind being on the pills if i thought i actually needed them. but i have no idea... so i need another psychiatrist... but my mom won't call... even though i have constantly been telling her i don't like my current one and i can't understand her half the time cuz she has an accent and talks really fast... so why are we fucking paying her??
grrrrrr.
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|
[ June 30th, 2006 | 2:56am ] |
Hampy11 [1:19 AM]: so i'm god and i'm thinking "besides the pain of puberty, raging hormones and crossing that bridge between childhood and adulthood... how ELSE can i make them miserable?... ah yes, i'll set their internal clocks back a few hours and make them nacturnal"
JAC012290 [1:19 AM]: lol
Hampy11 [1:20 AM]: plus i'll give them not only the capacity, but the desire, to sleep for almost 12 hours
Hampy11 [1:20 AM]: BUT after i do that, i'm going to go inside the mind of the school board and convince them to start classes at 7 o'clock in the bloody morning... just when kids are dead asleep
Hampy11 [1:20 AM]: BWAHAHA my plan is working
Hampy11 [1:21 AM]: damn him
JAC012290 [1:21 AM]: you can't blame everything on god
Hampy11 [1:21 AM]: why not, he controls everything
Hampy11 [1:22 AM]: who am i supposed to blame for the interworkings of my biology?
Hampy11 [1:22 AM]: we can't control our internal clocks... we're just fucked cuz we're teenagers
Hampy11 [1:22 AM]: am i supposed to blame..... *gasp*........ SCIENCE????
Hampy11 [1:23 AM]: the devil's work!!!!!!!
JAC012290 [1:23 AM]: well since we're blaming god, i might as well blame him about me doing bad in chemistry
Hampy11 [1:23 AM]: true true
Hampy11 [1:24 AM]: no... you were meant to do bad in chemistry because science was created by the devil to trick us into losing faith in the bible.... so your doing poorly was really god protecting you for the heathen's ways
Hampy11 [1:24 AM]: from*
JAC012290 [1:24 AM]: good point
Hampy11 [1:24 AM]: tell that to your parents
JAC012290 [1:24 AM]: lol
Hampy11 [1:24 AM]: that's always the best bet
JAC012290 [1:25 AM]: but can i also blame him for doing bad in analysis next year? cause thats not science
Hampy11 [1:25 AM]: so i was watching an episode of house and they were treating a Nun... so obviously it was an episode on religion and such... and anyway the nun told house that he couldn't be angry at god and not believe in him at the same time.
Hampy11 [1:26 AM]: well... he wants you to go into the priesthood so he's making you dumb so you'll have no other option
Hampy11 [1:26 AM]: that god is smart
JAC012290 [1:27 AM]: lol
JAC012290 [1:28 AM]: so then how come he doesn't make everyone stupid?
Hampy11 [1:28 AM]: because you are his chosen one
Hampy11 [1:28 AM]: you are blessed
JAC012290 [1:28 AM]: along with millions of other people
Hampy11 [1:29 AM]: yea... i never said you were special
JAC012290 [1:29 AM]: *bitch*
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| Dell |
[ June 28th, 2006 | 10:15pm ] |
Ya know... i am thinking, and i can't decide whether dell didn't care about anyone but himself, or if he cared too much.
it's either one or the other- but there is a fine line separating them.
he held so many rehearsals when we didn't need them and had so many ideas on how to make the band better that just weren't PRACTICAL. at all. he thinks they will help but they don't, they just make everyone HATE him, which means no one listens to him and no one will actually do what he says w/o complaining except the drum majors..
i think his expectations are just way too high and people get pissed because they are not capable. HIS life is band. THEIR lives are NOT band. he doesn't seem to grasp it. i didn't grasp it until a little while ago. you can push as hard as you want but band is NEVER going to be their top priority, and i don't think it necessarily HAS to be. i mean... just because it's not the most important thing in the world to them doesn't mean they shouldn't be involved...
he just takes up every second of their spare time... and it makes them hate him. and then he wonders why no one respects him.
and then he goes into that "i care about you guys soooo much" speech which indicates either that he loves us or he doesn't give a crap and is trying WAY to hard to cover it up.
do you know how many times i have casually moved my cut up wrist into his range of sight...? alot... so he is either oblivious because he is a male or he is oblivious because he doesn't care about anyone but himself. and it's NOT just me... that one saxophone freshman had scars all over her wrist and do you think dell ever gave a shit??? it's not that hard to notice these things.... and he minored in psychology for god's sake!
dell does NOT care.... he only cares if you can benefit him in some way. the good players he "cares" about because if they don't do well he looks bad. so of course he stays late to help us.... I WAS SO NAIVE. i actually thought he wanted to help us w/ all-state because he CARED about us.... but then i had a revelation.... he only wanted us to do well so HE looks good. *ugh* i don't know why i didn't see it before though... it makes sense.
but then i think.... maybe Rand did the same thing. I mean, all this time i've been worshipping her because she pushed me so much.... but it was probably just because she wanted more good players.
ugh.
so in reality... the people you THOUGHT cared... really don't... and WORSE... they never DID.
i don't think anyone REALLY cares about anyone else. stupid humanists.
we're only nice to people so they will be nice back. we only care about people because we want them to care about us. that's all it is. we want friends so become a friend. But if we got nothing in return... no "fuzzy feeling" for doing the "right thing"... we would never do it.
so does it really matter what are motives are for "caring?" if we care because we want you to care back or we care because we want to look good in front of our colleages... either way we are getting something out it....
but then..... that means that caring does not exist. at least... not unconditional caring..
*sigh*
&tears.
PS: it reminds me of school. dell that is. because one time... i think it was 9th or 10th grade.. it was the first day of school and i went to a class and the teacher said "this class has to be your top priority or you're going to fail" and then i went to another teacher who insisted that HER class had to be your top priority. well shit.... ya know.. i do have other classes.
and that's the way dell is. if you don't LOVE band and want to spend every second involved in band, then you shouldn't be in it in the first place. i don't see WHY that should be...
maybe that's where my music major mentality comes from. i feel like you either have to devote your life to band or you can be devoid of it completely. when... in reality... you can be as involved, or uninvolved, as you wish. dell's "all or none" complex is REALLY killing that band so i hope he gets some therapy or something....
that is all.
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| Typos |
[ June 28th, 2006 | 2:51pm ] |
Hmmm... i am making alot of typos and i'm way too lazy to fix them.
i would normally....
but seeing as this is not a friend-journal.. i can only assume that no one will ever read this.
my sister moved out yesterday to her first apartment... and now i am an only child. *sigh*
i want to move out....
my parents are crazy. but i guess it beats a dorm room....
college is evil.
well- that is- the school of music is evil. 3 years of performing ensemble?... for 1 credit hour?... wtf... i don't want to be a music teacher THAT badly.
♥
& tears ;
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| Entertainment |
[ June 27th, 2006 | 10:06pm ] |
So yea i really don't think it's healthy to like obsess over TV and movie drama. but i think we all do it to some extent. some more than others. me, alot.
but it mean, it's summer, and nothing else is going on. of course i'm thinking about scripted drama. that's why it's so good, cuz it's scripted and if it were real people wouldn't watch it. it's like- taking us out of reality.
but that's why we like it so much.
but it's also why we obsess over it sometimes.
i think the obsession isn't bad but it is an indicator of another problem. there must be something going on in your life that makes you want to run away from reality into a sitcom world.
or- just the opposite- nothing is going on and you need something to distract yourself.
then again, it's not terrible to have an inspiration. House is really becoming a role model- because i keep thinking "what would house say?" and he actually has really good advice. even though he is fictional.
i guess it's not really fictional advice because SOMEONE wrote it, just because it's not hugh laurie saying it- it is still the writers saying it. so does it really matter?
oh well i like house.....
so fucking hot!!
♥
&tears
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| depression |
[ June 26th, 2006 | 11:47pm ] |
ok so.. i stopped taking my medication the other day. my parents don't know, nor does my psychiatrist. i just don't think i need it.
i've been thinking... i wasn't really depressed before. i mean i was cutting and stuff but i didn't have full blown depression until i started taking birth control pills in january. that's when i got REALLY depressed. i think before that though it was just teenage angst or maybe it was depression but it was mild enough to control on my own.
maybe guys can't understand this but periods and hormones go hand and hand. as do hormones and moods.
as jimmy knows, the birth control pills reallyyy fucked up my periods and i was bleeding more than anyone EVER SHOULD. seriously. it was so bad i couldn't even go to school some days.
well we had to wait 3 months before my mom would call the gynocologist again and finally got me on the right birth control that didn't fuck me up.
soo i'm thinking that my hormones must have been going CRAZY during those months.. thus why i was depressed.
though... i wasn't REALLY sure birth control pills could cause depression.. so i looked it up and apparently they CAN. (how come nobody ever told me this!!!???)
"There are a number of side effects and potential health risks associated with the use of hormonal contraceptives.
Common Side Effects for Combination Contraceptives
Weight gain
Increase or decrease in acne
Nausea and vomiting (particularly for the first few cycles)
Dizziness
Headaches
Depression
Vaginal infections
High blood pressure
Loss of libido "
source.
"In some women, taking birth control pills may cause symptoms of depression."
source.
"Medications. Long-term use of certain medications, such as some drugs used to control high blood pressure, sleeping pills or, occasionally, birth control pills, may cause symptoms of depression in some people"
source.
"Many women feel increased depression after being on the pill. There are also some who don’t start feeling depressed until they start taking the birth control pill."
source.
"Some cardiovascular drugs, hormones, birth control pills, and even some nonprescription pain remedies may cause or worsen depression."
source.
"Changes in the levels of hormones such as oestrogen and progesterone appear to have major effects on women's moods.... The use of birth control pills, which work by altering levels of hormones, has also been associated with depression."
source.
Ok so my baby depression didn't help the matter, nor did the psychological aspect that came along with the abnormally heavy periods. you have no idea what it's like to go through that.... i'm not even going to talk about it because it still haunts me. but just take my word for it... it's something no one should ever have to experience. and i thought there was no way out. because my mother wasn't helping me and i had no idea if it would ever stop. of course i wanted to kill myself... i didn't think there was any other way.
OK SOOOO then my mom sends me to the shrink and she prescribes antidepressants which COINCIDENTALLY i start taking around the same time i started taking the new birth control pills which AREN'T fucking up my hormones.
therefore.... how is anyone supposed to know if i am getting better because of the antidepressants or because i stopped taking the icky birth control???
PLUS- my mom is a faggot and keeps calling it my "condition." fuck her.. i'm not sick!!!! you just had me on fucked up birth control pills. and i didn't know that it was doing that to me because i was so messed up i couldn't think straight. well now i am thinking straight and i think it was a really shitty thing for you to do. someone should have caught it.... the gynocologist didn't know i was depressed before because i wasn't diagnosed then... but at least the psychiatrist should have figured it out...
i guess not. well i know myself better than them and i know i'm not depressed. i'm pessimistic and stuff and yea i'm a cutter but i'm not "depressed." life is hard man, but it's supposed to be hard. i don't appreciate having these happy-pills shoved down me like it's supposed to make life easier or something...
the psychiatrist knows me for like a running total 3 or 4 hours... what the hell does she know??
as for my parents.... well they just want me to be "happy" so that they don't have to listen to me whine and complain. they think i'm annoying. well fuck them too. i'm hoping the placebo effect will work on them... if they think i'm taking the medication they'll think i'm "getting better" even if i'm not.
so it's like an experiment. if they say that they think the pills are making me "better" i'm gunna be like "mom, dad... i haven't taken the antidepressants in the last 5 years... so i don't think that's it" then they can't make me take them.
i'm turning 18 in 2 weeks so then i can really make my own decisions.
the point of this was not to rant but to prove... that i am not depressed. the birth control pills did it to me but now i am not on them anymore and i feel better. even off the antidepressants i still feel better. so until i start feeling worse again i'm not going to take them.
the end.
ps: the psychiatrist only thought i was depressed early because of the whole self injury thing. it threw her off because these stupid judgemental people don't understand self injury. anyway.... if you recall i STOPPED cutting in august of 2005 and didn't start again until january (the fucked up birth control pills). i think i was REALLY over the whole cutting thing... the pills just drove me over the edge though. but now i am not cutting so i am DEFINATELY better.
but i REALLY think it's the birth control and now the antidepressants and i don't see the need for them to be honest.
should i tell my psychiatrist that??? she wouldn't listen to me.........
no one understands. these fucking therapists and shrinks do now understand teenagers AT ALL. i mean, they try, i'm sure... but if you didn't grow up in our time period you just DON'T understand. there are alot of things that they are judging me on that aren't even related to depression or anything bad.. they are just natural thing of our generation... but they don't believe me. no one believes me because i'm "sick."
like the whole "gun to head picture" bullshit. it's EMOOO. that's what emo kids do. i mean... it wasn't meant to be a "cry for help" i just thought it was artsy.
*sigh* they don't understand. so i'm not going to tell them.
peace.
|
| christianity? |
[ June 26th, 2006 | 1:12am ] |
so um, why do we (atheists) pick on christians all the time? i am guilty of this too. every time i join a community or something, it's always more about christian-bashing than it is about atheism.
i mean... why don't we bash jews or muslims or taoists or buddhists?
1. it's easier to be mad at christians because they are the predominant religion in america... many of us don't even know enough about buddhism to trash it. but everyone knows christian philosophy because alot of us were brought up w/ it.
2. for some reason, christians seem to be the primary converters... because jesus told them to "spread the good news." didn't any of the other gods insist at his followers tell people about him?? i guess not. if other religions tried to convert us daily, we'd probably bash them too.
3. a majority of christians are hypocrites. that's what we don't like. in other religions, people actually WANT to follow the religion, where as in christianity, many people just call themselves christians because they are afraid of hell or are too lazy to really THINK about theology... and then they do stupid shit that contradicts their religion and we think you're a bunch of hypocrites. also, alot of bible is contradictory of itself, and so far.. no one has been able to really explain WHY it contradicts itself. but what ever.
4. most of us were christians before we became atheists (again because most of america is) and the reason we left the faith to begin w/ it because we hated it. so for us to trash it once we are finally free from it can be assumed. i think we're still kind of bitter about it and need to vent about our bad experiences.
5. christians are generally more closedminded than other faiths. hence all the denominations. they're so closed minded that they can't even listen to one another they have to make their own rules. even though the general philosophy of christianity is "just accept jesus and go to heaven" for some reason it's not so simple because we can't agree on anything else. other religions don't do that, they are willing to accept that other people have different beliefs and they must learn to live in harmony w/ those people. but christians just go around saying that their way is right and every one else is wrong and they're going to hell if they don't agree w/ me.
well i'm done for now.. peace.
♥
& tears
ps: jimmy and i are talking again. i think i can accept that he is a hermit and will never change.. even for me.
i wish he would... but... such is life.
i love him even w/ flaws.
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| gay marriage/brokeback mountain |
[ June 26th, 2006 | 12:53am ] |
brokeback mountain = the only porn i'll ever neeed!
(aww shucks it won't work on lj... but click HERE to see the slideshow!)
on that note, i'll take this opportunity to mention that yea- i am for gay marriage. :)
i am against straight marriage because those are the people who are more likely to split up and emotionally damage their children. who needs that??
i will say one thing though.. and i don't want to offend anyone.. and i admit from the start that i know very little about the subject... but i personally don't think that sexual orientation is determined by genetic factors. i mean... i just don't. genes and instincts are there because they keep our species alive... i don't think there is a gene that would make us be sexually attracted to a member of the same sex... because all sex really is, is reproducing. i mean- from mother nature's view point.
as far as SOCIOLOGY goes... we as humans do not have sex just to reproduce. we have to sex for numerous reasons such as pleasure, love, etc...
So when we fall in love, it is a social/cultural thing... because love is not biological (that i know of). who we fall in love w/ can be determined by alot of things (oedipus complex for example)... so if there is no biological need for us to be attracted to members of the same sex... it has to be either a social influence on us.. or it is a (conscious or unconscious) choice.
seee... but i don't see why it should be a BAD choice. there is nothing wrong with it... it's love for crying out loud... what's bad about love?
alot of people argue that it's not a choice.... so i guess i'll have to stick to the social influences model... even thought i think the choice thing would make more sense.
there is alot of research saying it comes from a gene... but.... it wouldn't make biological sense. if mother nature were to insure survival, everyone would be attracted to the opposite sex. oh well.... i guess it doesn't matter what causes it..... it's still good and it's HOT!!!!!!
i wish i were gay so i could partake....
|
| Pat Robertson |
[ June 24th, 2006 | 11:21pm ] |
"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."
-- Pat Robertson
is that so??? you poor baby....
go fucking burn in hell you son of a bitch.
your kind has caused so much pain- real pain- in history.... from crusades to the inquisition to witch trials... and you're complaining because we don't like you. i wonder why... listen to some of the shit you say... you're insane.
"It's one thing to say, 'We have rights to jobs ... we have rights to be left alone in out little corner of the world to do our thing.' It's an entirely different thing to say, well, 'We're not only going to go into the schools and we're going to take your children and your grandchildren and turn them into homosexuals.' Now that's wrong."
-- Pat Robertson
i turned your mom homosexual..
"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period."
-- Pat Robertson
of course. because god would never create men and women to have equal authority. absurd. marriage is a partnership you moron...
"Here is another example of the way Robertson would mix church and state, rather than keep them separate. Let's say that a Christian thinks God is directing him or her to blow up an abortion clinic or kill a doctor who performs abortions, and this Christian does in fact commit such a crime. In a September of 1984 edition of The 700 Club, Robertson suggested that special church tribunals could be called upon to discern if a believer had in fact received an authentic word from God which compelled him to break a civil law. According to Robertson, if this church tribunal did determine the believer had in fact received an authentic message from God -- how they could reach this conclusion without issuing God a suboena wasn't made clear -- then, Robertson said, the church tribunal would have the civil authority to provide the believer with immunity from prosecution."
-- Gerard Thomas Straub
in my world we call that schizophrenia... in MY country we don't believe in superstitions and we certainly do not allow superstitions to allow criminals to go free.
"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them."
-- Pat Robertson
of course not. jesus would cringe if he knew you were being nice to other people who also worshipped him.
"A cult is any group that has a form of godliness, but does not recognize Jesus Christ as the unique son of God.... One test of a cult is that it often does not strictly teach that Jesus is the only begotten Son of God who Himself is God manifested in the flesh.... Christian-oriented cults include the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or Reorganized Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons), the Worldwide Church of God, Christian Science, Unity, Unitarianism, The Way International, Rosicrucian Society of America, Bahai, Hare Krishna, Scientology, the Unification Church, and the Jehovah's Witnesses."
-- Pat Robertson
OH...... OK.
i used to worship this guy when i was younger.... :( i'm never going back. ever.
yea i'm done....
quotes from here.
|
| My thoughts on: God |
[ June 20th, 2006 | 10:31pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
I think it's a good idea to fill this journal w/ my thoughts on misc things because... when i look back at these things i don't really care what happened that week or whatever... i want to know what i believed and why..
So my first thoughts are on the most important subject that there ever could be: God.
Excerpt written March 24, 2006 by me:
"with that said... here's what i think (not that my opinion means anything more than anyone elses') greek mythology. the greeks didn't understand alot of things about the world: the sun rising and setting, the seasons, etcetc. which is why they created gods who controlled natural occurances. the god of sun, the god of love, the god of so and so. even zues and hades (who- gee!- very much resemble the judeo-christian god and satan). i'm just sayin- it's common knowledge that this is what society did because they didn't have the technology or resources to fully understand/explain natural phenomena.
so tell me... how is religion any different from greek mythology (or any other form of primitive belief system)? is it possible that, while it was helpful to us in explaining rainbows and the like, that we now have the ability to use science to explain the things in the universe we didn't understand. Like- light reflecting off of water to create the spectrum of colors on the sky?
i understand we want to understand the nature of the universe... how we were created... and for what purpose. but haven't we evolved passed the point of legends and myths to explain our world. now- i'm not saying i believe in the Big Bang.... because that seems a little bit too illogical for me... but what i'm saying is maybe we just don't have enough technology to know yet. maybe in a million years we will have enough knowledge and we won't feel like the greeks anymore. we have enough knowledge to explain alot of things.... but because it "contradicts" the bible and other religious texts, we say that it's wrong... that it's just a theory. well guess what- religion is a theory too. it's not fact. it could be true. yes- it could be true... but it could also be false. as could scientific theories (ie: the world is flat) i'm not stupid- i understand science has been wrong in the past... but religion has also been wrong in the past.
i think practicality is also a big issue (sorry it seems like i'm bible-bashing, but i only use christianity as an example because that's the religion i know the best (as do most of you)) most of the things in the old testament were practical for the time period. (my bible study leader told me this so shut the fuck up) like.. for instance,.. all the weird restrictions on mold... and the like. it was healthy because they had primative medicince and so the old testament was necessary to have a healthy life.
then jesus came along and told us to ignore most of the old testament. it wasn't practical.
then muhammad came along and added the koran to the mix....
what i'm saying is the world keeps changing- we keep gaining new information- what we believe in needs to be practical for the times. we can not forbid abortion when it serves a practical purpose in our lives. of course it was frowned upon 2000 years ago... they had no sterilization or any safe method of going about something like that... the women would probably die. that would wipe out most of the female population, thus ensuring our extinction... but in this day in age,.. well we can do it safely.
i could go on for a while but.... i don't want to....
i just don't understand why everyone can follow this logic.... i just want to say... ok i don't see a god... i don't hear a god... but OH LOOK- this book says that god exists.
OK.... no thank you.... i'll find Him on my own (provided He exists)."
I used to be a hardcore Christian... but now.... not so much (evidentally).
I do miss Christianity because it does provide alot of comfort and security. But the more i think about it, the more i realize it's stupid to believe a religion just because it offers protection. I mean... that's why every keeps running about to Christianity- it makes them feel safe. If it didn't, no intelligent, respectable person would ever subject themself to this kind of religion...
♥
&tears
|
| "et lacrimae" = "and tears" in latin. |
[ June 20th, 2006 | 1:43am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
let me share with you the history of my blogging.
it all started when i was 14, a freshman in high school. i got into ujournal (which is no longer existent >.<) and really got into it. then my friends all started moving to blurty so i went along too. after that we moved to livejournal, and from there xanga (though i continued to maintain my livejournal while on xanga). well, at this point the myspace craze was just starting so naturally i made one of those as well. i kinda abandoned livejournal and wrote mostly in my xanga, only because my best friend jimmy used xanga.
jimmy and i aren't speaking anymore because he's a dick. so i have no reason to use my xanga. ergo, i am coming back to livejournal w/ a new name, to symbolize the new begining in my life. I have lost my best friend.
It also seems fitting because I am starting college in a few months... so it's time to start a newer, more sophisticated journal.
More to come when i finish my layout.
♥
&tears
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